《悟》
*scroll down for English version
除了I am hungry 之外，I am old 應該是我在這次旅途中說得最多的話。關於這種感覺，年齡不是重點，心態才是。有人可以在80歲依然年輕，亦有人可以在20歲已經歷一生。
這次尼泊爾的旅程，我基本上都跟從前的我在一起。她是一個剛服完兵役的以色列女生，很有想法，對世界好奇，有一種不顧一切的精神，相信自己可以征服一切困難，而這些特質其實都屬於那個她心中好想成為的自己。
我一直說自己轉變很多但又說不出實際的改變，直到我遇到她又彷佛明白了什麼。我們心中都幻想著自己是一個怎樣的人，可能勇敢、可能聰明、可能改變世界、亦可能兩袖清風。但當幻想跟現實有距離，我們應該忠於那個自己？原來我不是轉變了，就只是停止了幻想，接受了原本的自己。
與其說旅程令我得到，不如說經歷讓我放下。我停止幻想自己無所不能，學習面對無能為力的感覺。我停止跟我其實沒有興趣的人裝作健談，明白我們不需要去討好全世界。我停止對自己無意義的嚴苛，去證明給別人看我是優秀的，畢竟旅途上可以依靠的就只有自己。
我們太渴望未來，太用力去成為那個閃閃發亮的人，但我們又怎麼會知道那道閃光會不知不覺刺傷自己？不過不要緊的，趁年輕就捱一點苦吧，然後某一天你會開始想念那種苦味，那彷彿帶有一點青蒽的味道。
《Comprehend》
Except from "I am hungry", I think " I am old" is the thing that I am telling everyday in this trip. About feeling old, age may not necessarily matter, but attitude. You can always live young even you are in your 80s, and of course feeling living forever in your 20s.
In this journey to Nepal, basically I am always staying with the 4years ago me. She is a girl from Isreal who knows clearly about what she want in life. She is curious about the world and well prepared for any challenges. To be exact, she just got every characteristic that a girl she dreamed to become.
I always say I have changed a lot these years but I can't tell you exactly what have changed until I meet this girl. All of us wanted to become a perfect-me. That person maybe brave, maybe smart, maybe has the power to change the world, or maybe he/she doesn't give a shit for anything. But what if the real-me and the perfect-me don't get along, who should we be loyal to? After all I found out that I didn't really changed these years, I just stop dreaming about the perfect-me, and learn to be the real-me.
To say what I gain from my journey, I would rather say travel teaches me how to let go. I stop thinking about I can handle everything by myself, and learn that people need help sometimes. I stop pretending I am interested to talk with the people that I don't care, and understand we can't make everyone happy anyways. I stop being unreasonably strict to myself, and realise it is stupid to make your life harder just for telling others I can be strong.
We are so desperate to become the perfect-me, and we have no ideas what we have done to ourselves. But it doesn't matter, I always believe that we need to get hurt before realising what is going on in our life. I mean, in fact we are still young , so why not? And one day, we will look at those scars and smile. Yes, everything happens for a reason.
(Pokhara, Nepal)
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